The Ashes 2019 (01 August - 16th September)

[McNamara That Ghost...]

First Test starts on Thursday from Edgbaston


England squad for first Ashes Test: Joe Root (capt), Moeen Ali, James Anderson, Jofra Archer, Jonny Bairstow (wk), Stuart Broad, Rory Burns, Jos Buttler (wk), Sam Curran, Joe Denly, Jason Roy, Ben Stokes, Olly Stone, Chris Woakes.


Australia Ashes squad: Tim Paine (capt), Cameron Bancroft, Patrick Cummins, Marcus Harris, Josh Hazlewood, Travis Head, Usman Khawaja, Marnus Labuschagne, Nathan Lyon, Mitchell Marsh, Michael Neser, James Pattinson, Peter Siddle, Steven Smith, Mitchell Starc, Matthew Wade, David Warner.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

All three of the Sandpaper Squad are back. :haha:

Ashes schedule (all Tests start at 11:00 BST)

August

1-5 1st Test, Edgbaston

14-18 2nd Test, Lord's

22-26 3rd Test, Headingley

September

4-8 4th Test, Old Trafford

12-16 5th Test, The Oval

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Today is the day.

My Sky has died so I can't record any of it. :doh:

[Mac76]

Today is the day.

My Sky has died so I can't record any of it. :doh:

TMS - it's the only way

though it would be good to see Athers squirm when they talk about ball-tampering :lol:

[Mac76]

Warner and Bancroft will open for Australia :popcorn:

[Mac76]

warner gone - would have been saved if he'd reviewed! :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Aussies 83-3 at lunch.

Warner. :haha:

[LDG]

116-7

:haha:

[GP]

LOLstralia

[LDG]

Smith being stubborn.

Ball tampering cunt.

172-8 currently

[dazthegooner]

Knowing England Smith will get a double hundred and the Aussie's reach 400ish :angry:

[LDG]

Siddle goes.

222-9

Tail wagging wankers

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Moeen Ali bowled a rancid full toss.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Sandpaper Smith gets his century.

:sick:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Every fielder back on the boundary.

:haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith bowled out. Boos from the crowd, Maxwell crying about that cheating fuck getting pelters.

Five-for Broad. :bow:

[LDG]

122-8 to fucking 284 though :(

We better get some runs on the board tomorrow...)

[dazthegooner]

When we get through the openers quickly we always seem to struggle against tail enders (Ireland last week doesn't count)

[McNamara That Ghost...]

England are 71-1 at lunch.

Roy going for 10.

[Mac76]

pleased to see Burns proving his place, it's not been easy out there by the sounds of it

[Mac76]

Root makes 50 :)

"Rooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot"

[McNamara That Ghost...]

243-4.

Burns with a century. :bow:

[LDG]

267-4 at close.

Really good knock from Montgomery.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Sky's programme is on now.

They're all dressed up like the Peaky Blinders. :doh:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Come on England. :bow:

Will Burns do a Strauss and go early in the day after a century the day before?

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Pattinson bowls one to first slip. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes gets his fifty! :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes then gives it away wafting at a wide one.

:doh:

282-5.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

England lead!

Aussies. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

296-6, Lyon gets Burns.

Burns goes on 133.

Nearly a no ball. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Siddle ensures it goes for four from Lyon's bowling. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Lyon bowls Ali for a duck! :doh:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

300-8, Siddle gets Bairstow.

Shocking display again from him in test cricket. He's not up to it.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

328-8 at lunch.

Woakes and Broad. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Broad smacks it for four. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

50 partnership for Woakes and Broad. More than that now.

354-8.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Steve Smith on for a bowl.

Check his pockets!

[LDG]

He’s got the sandpaper, in his hands!

:haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Steve Smith bowls it for four. :haha:

Given as runs but I'm not convinced.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Ah Ultraedge confirms it.

Still, Smith. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Down goes Broad.

365-9.

Come on Jimmy. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

England bowled out for 374, Anderson had enough of this batting shit so hoicks it up in the air.

England lead by 90. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Australia 15-1, Broad removing Warner.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

28-2 currently,

Ali getting nine month Bancroft.

[Mac76]

just got back in

Bancroft :haha:

Warner :haha: :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

75-3, Stokes gets Khawaja!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith gets clattered on his head.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Bad light stops play.

That'll be it for the day presumably.

Aussies lead by 34. Smith hanging around like a bad smell again.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith & Warner Carpentry Services.

:haha:

GHELs. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith gets his fifty again. :rolleyes:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Ali bowls it for four, close your legs Bairstow. :doh:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Head loses his bat. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith with two boundaries in a row, this is grim.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Bairstow misses a stumping. :rolleyes:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Head gets his fifty.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

205-4, Stokes gets Head!

:lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Aussies 231-4 at lunch. :sick:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith gets another century. :sick:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

England can finally use a new ball!

309-4.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Awful positioning from Root.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

England still haven't taken the new ball.

Root. :lol:

What's he doing?

[McNamara That Ghost...]

New ball has finally been taken. :faint:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

330-5 but Wade reviews.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Review says missing so back it goes to 330-4.

At least the new ball is doing something though.

[LDG]

Smith OUT!!

Get in

[McNamara That Ghost...]

331-5, Woakes gets Smith!

It's on!

[LDG]

Collapse!! Collapse!!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Not quite.

[LDG]

We’re playing for a draw now

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Wade gets his century.

England. :rose:

[Mac76]

Aussies 400-5

England :rose:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Put us out of our misery and declare FFS.

[Mac76]

Barmy army trying to bore the Aussies to sleep

[McNamara That Ghost...]

England review one.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

That's missing.

And confirmed.

:lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes gets Wade for 110.

407-6.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

409-7, Ali bowls Paine!

Collapse! :haha:

[Mac76]

Paine bowled by ... Moeen

:pal:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

The ball lands in someone's pint.

:haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Burns just dropped the Ashes.

[Mac76]

drop by Burns... :rolleyes:

[Mac76]

surely the Aussies will declare soon?

[LDG]

surely the Aussies will declare soon?

Depends if they think Lyon can do the damage in one day alone :shrug:

[Mac76]

they're 390 ahead it's crazy not to put England in - sounds like they're about to anyway :popcorn:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Aussies finally declare.

England. :lol:

Well and truly duffed up.

[Mac76]

no wickets lost - all day to bat tomorrow though...

[Mac76]

Burns gone...

[Mac76]

Root survives the second terrible decision of the morning - dreadful umpiring

[LDG]

What an awful shot from Roy :doh:

[dazthegooner]

Well Englandbattingcollapes in one word is coming back into fashion.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

85-4.

FFS.

[Mac76]

146 all out :haha:

home advantage :haha:

barmy army :haha:

championes :haha:

ashes coming home :haha:

six catches by the sandpaper three :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Well and truly shat on.

Lyon with six-for. :haha:

:(

[LDG]

Useless

[Mac76]

Three lions lose to one Lyon :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Second test from Lord's starts today.

Archer will be in which could be needed going down the slope. Aussies have Staec possibly back too though.

Not expecting much play today though.

[Mac76]

Second test from Lord's starts today.

Archer will be in which could be needed going down the slope. Aussies have Staec possibly back too though.

Not expecting much play today though.

it's chucking it down in North London right now so i think you're right

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Day 1 washed out.

:lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

There is play!

England 76-2 at lunch.

Roy out for a duck. Root out for 14.

[dazthegooner]

Wasn't there a bit of doubt if Roy could make it as a test player?

[Mac76]

we're a one-man batting line up = burns

[McNamara That Ghost...]

230-8.

FFS.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

All out for 258.

Bairstow you absolute twat.

[Mac76]

warner :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

He is Broad's bunny.

Broad and Archer have been bowling well.

Archer beating Bancroft's bat. Bancroft has been all over the place.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Aussies make 30-1 in reply.

[dazthegooner]

Aussies 71-4 though Smith still in...

[McNamara That Ghost...]

80-4 at close of play.

Rain. :lol:

[dazthegooner]

Well the way the weathers going looks like the match will end in a draw.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

I think that relies on England batting for any decent period of time.

2 full days is more than enough time for them to fuck it up.

[dazthegooner]

Supposed to rain for most of the weekend but then again England showed against Ireland they can be bowled out in one session :(

[McNamara That Ghost...]

I think it should be dry, hopefully.

Not sure why they aren't starting earlier though.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Play begins in five minutes. :faint:

Sky piece with Johnson, Sangakkara and Hussain was great.

Nasser leaving that delivery from Mitch and getting castled. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Broad gets Wade!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Archer drops the ball on his run up. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Mis-field from Bairstow as WK, gives away a run.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith gets his fifty.

FFS.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Aussies 155-5 at lunch.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

162-6, Archer gets Paine!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Archer decides to duff Smith up. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

England review one that didn't hit the bat nor the player. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Barbecue delivery for Smith there.

This looks bad.

[Shaqiri Is Boss]

Archer has definitely found a way to beat Smith.

Kill him.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith retires hurt, walking off though.

Archer. :bow:

That's indeed how you get him out.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Archer has definitely found a way to beat Smith.

Kill him.

Flawless tactics.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

218-7, Woakes gets Siddle.

Smith comes back out.

Archer, you know what to do.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

234-8, Woakes gets Smith!!!!!

Out on 92!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Roy drops Cummins!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

246-9, Leach gets Lyon!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Aussies all out for 250.

England leading by 8 from the first innings. :bow:

[Mac76]

Roy gone already ...

[Mac76]

Root goes first ball

England 9 for 2

:rose:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Cummins on a hat-trick.

The batsmen cannot bat.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Our glorious captain with a Golden Duck.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Hoddle is there at Lord's.

Fuck the Spuds game. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Warner just dropped the Ashes!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Burns and Denly slashing at everything. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Burns doesn't bother running, nearly makes Denly out.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

At least Burns and Denly aren't trying to survive defensively.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

64-3, Denley goes. Siddle C&B.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Class shot from Stokes for four. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

78-4, Burns went earlier.

:(

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Bonkers day.

Rain ends play.

96-4, England lead by 104.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Some rain early on but it should clear by midday-ish.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Play resumes. :popcorn:

[Mac76]

Smith's being withdrawn for the rest of this match apparently, and the Aussies will have to see if he can play the third test

They can now use a 'like-for-like' substitute for the rest of this match - not that there's one in the country yet alone the team...

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Like-for-like substitute made me think they were going to be exhuming Bradman.

In fact, it is Marnus Labuschagne. :unsure:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes gets his fifty. :bow:

[Mac76]

Like-for-like substitute made me think they were going to be exhuming Bradman.

In fact, it is Marnus Labuschagne. :unsure:

That really is a name made up by pulling letters from a hat... :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

161-5, Buttler picks out the fielder.

[Mac76]

Buttler gone

[McNamara That Ghost...]

No reviews left for the Aussies. :lol:

[Mac76]

Stokes letting loose

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes zooms up to 80.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes goes down.

"In the dick!"

:haha:

[Mac76]

Stokes gets one in the knackers :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Superb stroke from Stokes, on to 91.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Aussies have contributed a lot of byes. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes on to 98. :popcorn:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

99!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

I hate the reverse sweep.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes gets his century! :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Lyon gets his century.

No wickets for 102 runs. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

England declare on 258-5! :bow:

[Mac76]

England declare - aussies need to bat it out for a draw :popcorn:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Who will Archer maim this innings? :popcorn:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

13-1, Archer gets Warner! :bow:

[Mac76]

Warner gone again :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

19-2, absolute jaffa from Archer.

:bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

LabowlingShane is in next.

[Mac76]

Aussies two down - england could actually win this... :run:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Archer serves up a no ball wide.

:haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

He's murdered the concussion replacement now!

[LDG]

He is a bit rapid

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Broad going down at a gentle 85mph at the other end in comparison. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Bancroft flukes it.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

46-2 at tea.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Back out now.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

47-3, Leach gets Bancroft LBW!

:bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Burns gives some overthrows.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes in to the attack and battered away for four first ball.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Roy just dropped the Ashes.

Fucking useless.

Absolute dolly.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Unless somebody somehow gets a hat-trick, I think this one might be done.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Root in to the attack. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Labuschagne gets his fifty.

Like-for-like replacement of Smith indeed. :(

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Rank full toss from Archer.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Leach gets Labuschagne, Root adjudged just to have got his hands under it.

I'm not sure. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Archer is resorting to wiping out Bairstow now.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

138-5, Leach gets Wade!

It's on!

[LDG]

Get in! Come on England!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Leach on a hat-trick! :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Fended off by Paine.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

10 minimum overs remaining.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Head and Paine out in the middle.

Of course Archer is there for a bowl. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

149-6, ripper of a catch from Denly!

Wow!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Phenomenal catch! :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Denly's magic arm to bowl now. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Burns drops it.

:doh:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

1 minimum over remaining.

Four wickets needed from it really. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

It's a draw!

Fuck you weather.

[LDG]

Archer :bow:

[Mac76]

Phenomenal catch! :bow:

Amazing catch

Draw fair result given the smith situation

[GP]

Archer :bow:

Danger Zone.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Smith out of the third test.

Archer finding a way to stop the runs. :bow:

[Mac76]

England's way of winning:

World cup 66 - dodgy linesman

Ashes 2005 - lucky injury to mcgrath

Rugby world cup - lucky punt by wilkinson

Cricket world cup 2019 - dodgy umpire

Ashes 2019 - take out smith

Have we ever actually won anything fair and square? :rolleyes:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

I don't think you can say it's not fair and square that England won the Ashes in 2005 because McGrath, the cricketer was stupid enough to stumble on a rugby ball. :lol:

[GP]

England's way of winning:

World cup 66 - dodgy linesman

Ashes 2005 - lucky injury to mcgrath

Rugby world cup - lucky punt by wilkinson

Cricket world cup 2019 - dodgy umpire

Ashes 2019 - take out smith

Have we ever actually won anything fair and square? :rolleyes:

Two World Wars

#Brexit

[Mac76]

Two World Wars thanks to allies in particular the yanks in WWII

#Brexshit - via lies,lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, and more lies..........

Corrected ( though i was only talking about sport)

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Australia are 126-2.

About 100 runs since the last wicket. :doh:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

136-3, Archer gets Warner!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Broad bowls Head for a duck.

Absolute jaffa of a delivery!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Archer bowls Wade for a duck!

Well it rolled off his pads and hit the wicket. :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Labuschagne takes one to the cock.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Down 7 now!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

174-8, Archer gets his five-for!

Cummins the man going.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Cummins can't believe it. :lol:

Off you fuck.

Oh, Punter is in the commentary booth!

Ponting. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

177-9. :lol:

Stokes getting Champagne with a full bunger! :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Oh these poor Aussies are so hard done by. :(

Suck it up you whinging turds.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Aussies bowled out for 179!

What a collapse. :haha:

Archer getting Lyon plumb as it gets. :bow:

[LDG]

Fuck off Aussies

No Smith, no game innit.

We lost Anderson, you lose yours.

[LDG]

Big Joff :bow:

Ponting :haha:

He bowls to the left :haha:

He bowls to the right :haha:

That full toss :haha:

[Marc Overmars]

England are 20-3 currently. :doh:

[dazthegooner]

Let see if we can make it until tea... :(

[Letters]

You know it's not a proper sport if it goes on so long you need to have meal breaks :sulk:

[Letters]

34-4 now :lol:

[dazthegooner]

Can we avoid the follow on? :pray:

[Letters]

45-6 :haha:

[Letters]

Ah, now it's 54-6. Our top scorer is 12 :lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Out batsmen are an absolute embarrassment.

Same team to trot out at Old Trafford. :bow:

[GP]

England :lol:

Brexit :lol:

[Letters]

All out for 67 :haha:
Wow.

[Mac76]

Aussies now 92-3, 204 ahead

England :pal:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Even by England standards that should be right up as there one of the worst innings.

These twats chasing after wide ones think it is a T20 match.

Labuschagne outscore England in the first innings. :haha:

Root dropped him in the second innings, with a proper fumble.

132-4. :doh:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Labuschagne nicks one off Stokes to slips!

On a no ball. :haha:

Oh and Archer has cramped up. Good going batsmen, if that is indeed what you're called.

[LDG]

Jesus wept

[McNamara That Ghost...]

168-6. :haha:

Least crap team with the big willow in their hands wins.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Ponting is a Portsmouth fan. :haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Stokes using the full width of the crease to fool the batsmen.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

This moment is almost worth the horror of the rest of the day.

Tim Paine is given out lbw, reviews and is given caught out instead.

There was a thin inside edge onto the pad and it looped up to Joe Denly at gully, who snaffled it.

Then what was Paine doing? All chirp, telling England that he's nicked it, only for Joe Root to reply that Denly had caught it. Paine then shook his head.

And he shakes his head again as he walks off. You were the one telling everyone you'd nicked it!

Paine. :haha:

Farce of a day.

[Thierrymon]

Australia :cheer:


:run:

[LDG]

Paine. :haha:

Farce of a day.

:lol:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Australia :cheer:


:run:

:threaten:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Bairstow drops one.

:haha:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

215-7, Archer gets Pattinson!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Archer killing fools again. :bow:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

234-8, Stokes got Cummins.

[McNamara That Ghost...]

238-9, Labuschagne run out!

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Archer bowls Lyon.

Aussies bowled out for 246.

England need 359. :haha:

[Mac76]

People with tickets for tomorrow ...

:pal:

[McNamara That Ghost...]

Only 350 more needed. :scarf: