I now have the Spurs mindset.

I spoke to Dan, Mr Levy to you, this morning and he assured me that he is going to spend at least 1 billion pounds of his own money in the summer buying the best players in the world. He then promised me that next season Spurs will win the PL, the CL, the LC and the FA Cup. Even if Spurs do not finish in the top 4, they will be playing CL football next season and WILL win it.

I have no doubt whatsoever that Spurs will win tonight 24-0 as 8 of their wonderful players will get a hat trick.

I also know for a fact that at the next general election the blues will whitewash the reds. There will not be a single labour MP in Parliament at the end of this year.

I also know that Father Christmas lives in the North Pole because I have seen him there and he is a personal friend of mine.

I am a Spurs fan until about 10pm tonight. I will spend the next week either in therapy or trying to wash off the kind of dirt that cannot be washed off.

I don't need to say COYS because I know they will win comfortably tonight.