Way, way too obvious and it also runs the risk of working. We'd certainly be in danger of winning something and it would send all the wrong signals to the players who want to leave. FFS they might actually agree to stay!
I think what we should do is get a few kids in, buy a couple of untested foreigners with potential and train them up for a move to Barca, make a lot of noises about dumping the crap at the club but end up keeping them, ensure we get a low fee for our captain, let our best players go to our main rivals and then make bold statements about winning the league. This hasn't worked in prior years but I'm confident it will work this time around.
Für eure Sicherheit
A striker
One that is able to make an impact despite maybe not playing every game